


Killua's Clouds

by AlolanLibra



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Cloud Watching, Embarrassed Killua Zoldyck, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Meddling Kids, Oblivious Gon Freecs, Pathetic fallacy, Strangers to Lovers, Teen Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2018-12-22 07:22:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11962515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlolanLibra/pseuds/AlolanLibra
Summary: Killua lay on his bed underneath the skylight, thoughts paused as he considered the gorgeous sky in this way. His pale hair was almost rose-coloured while basking in this light. He often enjoyed being able to stare up, be it to cloud watch or star gaze. He was able to forget many things with this method.A story following the age old premise of Killua being his normal, adorable, tsundere self in front of Gon.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this began as a one-shot inspired by our rainy British summer (something good had to come of it) but has turned into something which I am excited to continue! Very different to my previous work... there's gunna be a lot more fluff and a lot more killugon (yay)... it's also my first AU so I hope you enjoy!
> 
> I never meant to make this first chapter so long but I couldn't help myself hehehe. Please lemme know what you think in the comments below please! Happy reading!

Ethereal clouds pushed lazily across the sky, contoured by the fading light of the sun. Some were heavy with rain; dark and looming with shadowy underbellies. These were Killua’s favourite kind of clouds. Well, not on their own, of course. Every now and then, when an evening storm had swept past to reveal the peachy sky, these clouds remained — vacating to pour somewhere else. This is when they would be met with smaller counterparts; puffs of pastel pinks and neon oranges, brightly highlighting the memory of the storm. While these skies only came once in a while, with a fleeting existence, they were worth waiting for.

Killua lay on his bed underneath the skylight, thoughts paused as he considered the gorgeous sky in this way. His pale hair was almost rose-coloured while basking in this light. He often enjoyed being able to stare up, be it to cloud watch or star gaze. He was able to forget many things with this method.

Whimsical streaks of coral marked where aeroplanes had scooted across this vast abyss. They were beyond the dark clouds, occasionally peeping out from behind their gargantuan acquaintances. The dark silhouette of a raven or a crow broke into view infrequently. He wanted to take a photo, to always be able to hold this beauty and gaze upon it on request, but he knew no camera could do this light justice. He simply settled for bathing in the glow, calmed by the tint it put on his world, memorising the ever-changing cloud patterns and contrasting colours. Closing his eyes, he could still see that dimmed pink shade. He exhaled deeply, content.

When he opened his eyes again, it was to the sound of clumsy banging from downstairs. It was dark outside now, rippled clouds overhead grey and dull with nighttime, breaking occasionally to reveal an inky mass littered with stars. He half-rolled over to check the time on his phone. The screen, blindingly bright in the darkness, read 2:06am. He had fallen asleep. Creeping up the stairs was the familiar sound of stifled giggling. Killua softly smiled, his features still drowsy. The sounds of Alluka often woke him at night, but it never bothered him. Just hearing her home safe and happy was enough to wipe any feelings of frustration he might be able to muster. He lay flat on his back, gazing up at the stars peeking past thick clouds, listening to her. He inwardly chuckled at her attempts not to be noisy. He would question the nature of her late arrival home in the morning; for now he was happy to know she was unharmed. Killua had struggled initially, when the pair first moved out together, with giving Alluka her freedom. Now she was fifteen, and the four years that had passed since they left their parent’s mansion had done her well. It had been the best thing for both of them. Killua rolled onto his side, his features silhouetted by the moonlight. He lulled back into a deep sleep with ease. Having his sister home always had that affect on him.

Bright sunlight woke him later that morning. Squinting, he groaned, stretching to shut the blind on the overhead window. After a half attempt, he sighed, slumping his shoulder back down onto the mattress with his arms folded over his face. The height of the sun told him it was late-morning, and with another groan he gave up on getting anymore sleep. Almost falling out of bed, his limbs found the floor with a slight thud. He didn’t hear much from downstairs, and figured last night’s antics must have gotten the better of Alluka this morning. He slumped himself down the short flight of stairs to the bottom half of their flat. The two-bed was comfortably small, with a small kitchenette/living room space and a generous bathroom. His sister had claimed the bedroom off of the kitchen, which was just big enough to warrant her excessive wardrobe and an ethereally framed day-bed. Killua’s bedroom was a converted attic, not nearly as roomy as Alluka’s, but still large enough for a double bed to be squeezed underneath the sloping skylight. Killua loved his room — it was like an escape from life beneath. Somewhere he could focus on nothing but the colours and the clouds. He was secretly happy Alluka had wanted the bigger room. The stairs he descended brought him into the middle of the flat’s main room, between the veneered breakfast bar and the back of a worn, chestnut leather sofa. Killua had used the last of the money from their parents to buy the place, so most of the furniture was already second hand. Looking around, he scratched his head, mussing the nest of white bed hair into even more of a mess. The flat was quiet, until he noticed the heavy breathing of someone asleep on the sofa.

Killua chuckled. “Hey, ‘Luka,” his voice was soft, but loud enough to wake his sister. “You didn’t make it into bed last night?”

There was a sudden snort that interrupted the measured breathing. Next came a grizzly groan, then a yawn. From behind the back of the sofa, a head of dark, spiky hair sprang up. The person it belonged to turned to face Killua. “Oh… hey,” his voice was gravelly, making it hard to hear the embarrassment in it. “Yeah… now I remember where I am…” a sheepish grin graced groggy morning features.

Killua’s eyes were wide, his cheeks crawling with heat and the tips of his ears turning pink. His throat was dry and he realised his mouth gaped open. He attempted to say something — nothing made it past his lips so he snapped his jaw shut instead. It was at this point he realised he had kicked off his jeans before he went back to sleep last night. It was in front of Gon, his high school crush and one-time date, that he stood in only a grey t-shirt and white boxers. His face was flaming with this revelation. The only words he could muster were “where’s Alluka?!” in a weakened voice.

Gon still had a guilty look on his face when he pointed in the direction of the teenage girl’s bedroom. Killua spun around to confront his sister, but not before noticing the lines of the other boy’s shoulders. His collar bones were defined, arms lean and strong, all covered in smooth olive skin. He wore a black tank top and who knows what else. Killua couldn’t dwell on it too much. He attempted not to run away from the sofa too obviously, and banged on the door before scrambling for the handle. The door was quickly closed behind him, and he stood up with his back against it’s painted wood, his body heaving with shock.

Alluka half-sat up in her bed, blinking into the light that streamed through white curtains. When her sight focused on Killua, she was rubbing her head, a frown scratched across its brow. “Onii-chan,” she whined slightly, “what are you doing? My head hurts and you’re making it worse with all your noise!”

“What…” Killua struggled to articulate all of his thoughts as they raced around his head. “What is _that guy_ doing on our sofa?!” He finally spluttered at his sister.

A look of perplexity remained on her face for a moment, before her eyes widened with some unknown emotion. She almost seemed excited, if Killua could believe it. “Oh, Gon! Yeah, well we ended up hanging out last night at Retz's party… and he just wanted to make sure I was safe home…” her naturally innocent features clearly masked an ulterior motive, but it wasn’t one her brother could deduce. His mind was still spinning, after all.

“Seriously, Alluka?!” Killua almost spat the words at her, though he couldn’t bring himself to be so harsh. He slumped over, attempting to gain control of his breathing. “You can’t just bring random dudes back to the flat,” his tone was calmer now, he was surely glad to be out of Gon’s sight. “Why did you think that would ever be a good idea?” The exasperation in his voice was audible even still.

She scrunched up her face, clearly trying not to laugh at her older brother. “I’m sorry Onii-chan,” her voice was sickly sweet with the apology, “he’s a good guy you know!” Her eyes twinkled as she added on, "I just felt safe with him.”

At this, Killua raised his head and cocked it to the side, shooting her a glance of disbelief. “Alluka, really?!” He rolled his eyes. _Maybe I should just be glad he had the decency to sleep on the sofa_ , he thought to himself, before quickly shaking the idea from his mind. If he knew his sister, he knew once she had her eyes set on something she was bound to get it. Guys could never usually tell her no.

“S’okay!” She suddenly bounded out of bed, pulling her thick dark hair back into a scruffy ponytail. “I’ll come through and make us all pancakes,” her tone was chipper for a teenager who should have been suffering a hangover.

Killua still stood up straight between her and the door, “I thought you said your head hurt?” He tried to keep his face stern, but the smirk and raised eyebrow found his features all too easily.

She blinked at him and he blew air past his lips in amusement. “Onii-chan, do you want breakfast or not?” She taunted, already knowing Killua could never decline the offer of food.

The smile disappeared from his face as he re-realised his previous fear. “B-but,” he stuttered watching Alluka’s smile spread, knowing his sister would enjoy seeing him so flustered, “I don’t have any _clothes_ down here!”

She giggled, turning to rummage through her obscene wardrobe. “Here — this should do, no?” She hurled a balled up pair of pyjama bottoms at him. Killua grimaced at their pink unicorn pattern, then giving her a look of astonishment. Alluka spluttered a laugh again. “Now, if you want pancakes, you'll move!”

Killua sighed at his sister’s demands, stepping to the side so she could leave the room. She floated past him as he watched her go, telling her he would meet her in the kitchen. She huffed mockingly and closed the door behind her, leaving him trapped. Not that he hadn’t always been trapped. _I’m a prisoner in my own apartment_ , he exhaled pointedly, _great_. He looked down to his balled fist, sizing up the trousers she had presented to him. _She can’t expect that I’d really wear_ these _in front of him?!_ He flicked them across the room in disdain. After searching hopelessly in his sister’s room for an alternative, he gave in and accepted his fate. _Fuck it_ , he thought as he looked in the mirror, _it’s not like he’s never seen a pair of boxer shorts_. He huffed and crossed his arms. Alluka’s soft pink curtains fluttered lightly in the wind, letting the rising sun flicker and shine through the glass. It was already nearing noon, and the summer heat was encroaching upon Yorknew’s streets. Killua kneeled on her fluffy bedspread to reach the window above, pulling the airy material back to let the daylight stream in. He momentarily stared out to the tall buildings surrounding theirs, his shoulders slumping in defeat. _I better get out there_ , he inwardly groaned.

He slowly turned the doorknob, his hand sweaty against its golden brass. The door creaked slightly as he pushed it open, making him feel the need to shush it. He quickly got fed up and swung the door open faster, chiding himself for being so nervous. He burst into the hallway with some force, only to see the sofa empty. A small wave of relief gushed over him. That was quickly replaced by a feeling of worry. Laughter flooded through from the kitchen, tucked behind the wall across the room. Killua noted two glasses of milk set down on the breakfast bar. This was a slight disappointment to him — he had almost hoped Gon would decline her offer of breakfast. Almost.

He could hear pans cluttering and water running. It sounded as though they were preparing food together. The booming undertones of Gon's voice and tinkling bell of Alluka’s giggles made Killua feel weirdly warm inside. He shook his head against the feeling. Normal social queues were absent from his brain. _How do I even say hi?!_ It was as if he had forgotten how to approach other human beings. He knew he had to say hi, at the very least, because he’d already acted a dick in front of Gon and needed to save face. He briefly wondered why he felt he needed to but it was instinctively decided that he did. He tugged at the hem of the oversized shirt he had on, desperately wishing he had a pair of track pants or something. It just about covered his boxers, revealing his pale legs poking out from it’s loose shape. He ran his fingers through white hair, catching knots as he did. After a single curse under his breath, he rounded the corner of the kitchen wall. The pair were stood working away at the counter, with their backs to him. It took all his willpower to avoid Gon’s sleepwear with his eyes. “Hey," he cleared his throat over their conversation, “Alluka, do you need anything from the store?”

They turned to face him simultaneously, Alluka grinning and Gon giving a bashful half-smile. “No, no! We have everything we need,” she was chipper as ever, her voice holding more meaning than her words as she turned back to the food in front of her. “You can just lay the table, if you want. You wanted blueberries, right?”

Killua grumbled a yes and began to fetch cutlery from the drawer on the other side of the kitchen. His gaze lingered on Gon, who was trying hard to be as unnoticeable as possible. It wasn't working; his athletic physique under the black singlet was impossible to ignore, and to make matters worse he wore only a tight pair of dark boxer shorts which clung keenly around his thighs. He was golden caramel, his skin smooth and taught around his muscles. Killua couldn’t get away from the thought that he was basically a Greek god personified. His jet-coloured hair was flatter than usual, strands drooping and falling around his face. Killua struggled not to stare as Gon pushed it out of his eyes with strong, combing fingers. Even still, he tore his gaze away and focused on being inconspicuous. _Knives and forks, knives and forks, just think about knives and forks_. Needless to say, this mantra wasn’t helping.

They sat down to eat, and for what felt like hours, there was only the sound of crockery and chewing. Eventually, Alluka piped up to save the day. Killua was already tense with his head bowed when he braced himself for this. She didn’t take much notice. “So, Onii-chan, aren’t you gunna ask about the party?”

 _Ugh_. Right now this was the last thing Killua wanted to talk about — though it wasn’t for lack of curiosity. He kept his head ducked, eyes on his plate. “Um, I guess,” he swallowed his mouthful, feeling the pressure of asking in front of Gon, “how was it?”

“Well," Alluka had her chin up, eyes closed, feigning nonchalance, “it was actually really fun — you missed out.” Playing it cool didn’t work for very long, however. “Retz was all over the place try’na keep everyone happy, so I sort of did my own thing,” she was suddenly emphatic again; the picture of a typical sixteen-year-old girl. “Everyone was there — and they all asked after you! Even Machi…” her tone dipped in a teasing way at the mention of the College girl.

Killua felt his stomach drop at this. “Alluka!”

She snickered slightly, “oh Onii-chan! It’s no big deal.” She brushed his chastising look away. “So yeah, it was really good! Towards the end of the night, people were dropping off and Retz had drowned herself in a bottle of wine to deal with the pressures of being a hostess,” she rolled her eyes at this point, “and I ended up sticking with Gon.” She bowed her head to smile at the guy next to her, and Killua’s eyes followed hers.

Gon looked caught off guard, fork still in mouth and food not quite chewed. He had been shovelling the food in wordlessly — an obvious attempt to stay unseen. He swallowed and straightened up, “yeah... it was a fun party.” He smiled, reaching a hand to rub the back of his neck. “You should come next time, Killua.”

Hearing Gon say his name sent an electric pulse down his spine. He was stunned into silence, gaping like a fish. Alluka kicked his shin under the table, a reminder to wake his brain up. He glared at her, holding down a yelp, before turning back to Gon’s deep brown eyes and managing a, “yeah… maybe next time.”

With a grunt of affirmation, Gon turned back to Alluka. “Thank you so much — you’re so sweet for feeding me!” He chuckled, presenting an empty plate. “It was great, but you know you didn’t have to,” he gave her a look that Killua was sure could make Alluka fall in love if she wasn’t already there.

She blushed slightly, and Killua could feel a vicarious tingling. “Yeah, s-sure! It's my pleasure, Gon,” she stuttered, trying and failing to not get too hung up by his charm. “Do you wanna take a shower or anything?”

“Ah, I probably should but I feel bad,” Gon grinned. “Plus, I don’t have any spare clothes with me.”

Alluka’s face lit up — though it seemed impossibly bright already, “don’t be silly! Plus, I’m sure you can borrow some stuff from Killua…”

All eyes back to Killua. He hated it when that happened. “Uh, yeah…” he couldn’t think of an excuse not to offer his clothes to a hot guy he was crushing on hard. “Sure thing, you can take whatever.”

“Sweet! Thanks Killua," Gon’s eyes rested on the paler boy’s face for what felt like a while. “You guys have been so awesome — I’d give this place five stars.” He laughed and Alluka couldn’t help join him. The sound was so infectious that even Killua felt a smile on his lips.

Gon headed towards the bathroom with a towel and the pair watched him go. As soon as he was out of sight, Alluka’s eyes were boring into Killua’s. “So…” she looked mischievously at her older brother, “he’s _nice_ , isn’t he?”

Killua rolled his eyes, attempting to play it cool himself now. “Pfft, if you’re into that I guess,” he feigned disinterest, “knock yourself out, baby sister.” He winked at her.

“Not for me, you idiot!” She raised her voice a little too high, having to consciously reign herself in. “He’s not into _me_ at all… are you blind, brother?” She joked.

Killua could feel his ears burning. “What the hell are you trying to say? Stupid!” He looked away, afraid his eyes would betray his secret hopes. “We had one blind date and that was it — case closed.”

Alluka was now buzzing with excitement, and Killua knew nothing he had just said made the slightest bit of difference. Alluka was going to get what she wanted, even if she had to make it happen by force. He sighed. Just as he was about to continue protesting, a ringing came from the coffee table in front of the sofa. Alluka jumped up to get it, raising the small phone to her ear and having a miniature conversation before ringing off.

“That was Retz,” Alluka’s tone was bored, “she can’t stop throwing up and she’s asked me to go over and help with the house before her brother gets home later.” She rolled her eyes. Alluka’s friendship with Retz was one of love-hate, but they would always do anything for each other. “I’m gunna have to go!”

Killua froze. “You can’t just leave me here,” he gritted his teeth, “with him _in our shower!_ ”

“Tough, sorry brother!” She gave a sly smile and he knew she was loving every second of this. “You’ll be fine, just be friendly and try not to scare him away, ‘kay?”

Moments later, Alluka was dressed and gone. Killua was alone, with nothing but the sound of an extremely hot guy in his shower. _What the fuck?!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! Sorry this has taken me so long - I'm really muddling my way through this but I guess it's becoming kind of a character study?? As well as fluffy fanservice?? Anyways, thank you for your patience and your attention, it means the absolute world to me! If you like it or have any pointers on how I could improve my writing, pls leave me a comment!! I love to hear from you! Arigato!

Killua paced slowly through the hall between the bathroom and Alluka’s room for a few minutes, lost in his own mind. He couldn’t face being stood waiting for Gon to finish in there but also couldn’t bring himself to climb the stairs and seek refuge in his own bedroom. _Stupid!_ Killua chastised himself. _How is this even happening right now?!_ His breath caught in his throat as he heard the water shut off behind the closed door. Desperate to act natural, he scrambled for the couch, begging for a place of refuge. Gon had neatly folded and piled the bedsheets he had been given on one side of the settee, a motion that Killua quietly admired amongst his racing thoughts. What he now realised he had forgotten, amidst these chaotic musings, was to put trousers on. _Jesus fucki—_

“Hey,” A voice both chipper and soft came from the doorway of the bathroom.

Killua swallowed hard.

Gon didn’t seem to notice how dumbfounded the other boy was, staring back at him, face turning crimson. “Ugh, I needed that,” he laughed. His laughter was like a sunrise, warm and golden, pumping new-found life into the room around them.

Pale hair practically stood on end as Killua was washed with the sound of Gon. He couldn’t rid the feeling of tingling he suffered when those brown eyes rested on his. It made him feel wonderful and nauseous at the same time. Almost unable to shake the speechlessness, Killua grunted a sound of agreement, while simultaneously trying to join in with the laughter. He settled for a small smile. Attempting to make himself seem relaxed, he sat with his arms draped over the back of the couch and one leg bent wide over the other, though he felt far from comfortable. He was also completely unable to take his gaze from the other high school senior.

Gon stood in the doorway, steam pouring out from the small room behind him, in just a towel. His hair drooped even flatter now — it was impossible to tell it had once stood rigid with gel — dripping strands hanging low over his forehead in a casual manner. The navy cotton was twisted together at his hips, showing just about as much pelvic definition as Killua could handle. There were still beads of water gathered on the skin of his arms, some leaving small wet trails behind them. Even if you didn’t know Gon, it was clear to see he was a varsity athlete just by seeing him. Killua had run in the track team, yeah, but Gon was a volleyball player. He was lean but strong, not dense but still not slight like the boy sat before him. His olive skin was glistening in the sunlight that streamed into the apartment. Eventually the scene was too much for Killua to bear. He rose to his feet, “I’d better do the same,” he mumbled in the most nonchalant fashion he could manage. Words Alluka had said earlier suddenly echoed in his head, _just be friendly and try not to scare him away, ‘kay?_ He stopped and turned to the other boy, ignoring the urge to look him up and down. “Did you need anything else?”

“No, thanks, Killua.” There was the electrical pulse down his spine again. “Uh, actually,” Gon hesitated, pushing the wet hair out of his face with a sheepish expression, “I do sorta need clothes… sorry.” He gave Killua an apologetic smile. His eyes were genuine and bright even as they winced.

“S-sure,” Killua stuttered, unsure of how best to present the available options to Gon. Though, looking into his sweet expression, Killua felt strangely at ease. “My room is upstairs, we can get you some stuff from up there,” and before he knew it, he was leading the almost-naked guy to his own bedroom. _Shit, shit, shit!_

In Killua’s room, the light was white and crisp. Out of the skylight, lazy white giants could be seen pushing sluggishly across the sky, seldom blocking the sunlight. Fluffy at the edges, they were faraway masses, plaguing somebody else with shadows. He was lucky; their side of the apartment building didn’t face onto other high-rises, but overlooked a verdant city park. Their view was lush with emerald at this time of year, a rare landscape in this part of the world. It made his large slanted window even more of a blessing. Gon appeared thrilled at this, eyes widening with wonder. Killua turned in time to catch this childlike expression growing across adult features.

“Uh… you okay… Gon?” He spoke hesitantly, as it was impossible for Killua to forget the other was barely clothed.

“Oh,” Gon snapped his head back to Killua, as if he’d forgotten himself. “Yeah, I’m good… it’s just,” he paused to avert his gaze back to the clouds, “that view is awesome!”

An appreciative warmth grew inside Killua and he attempted not to seem too keen himself, though it was a challenge. “Yeah, it’s cool,” he nodded with a flattened tone. His eyes wandered carefully back to Gon. The dark haired boy seemed to shine, captivated by the beauty beyond the window pane. Killua took the opportunity to gaze upon him, his eager smile, his tan skin, his deep, honey eyes. He felt close to being lost in them before he woke from his stupor. “Oh, yeah — clothes,” he awkwardly blurted out, breaking the comfortable silence they had shared.

Gon’s stare was also broken, and he turned to face the pale boy beside him. “Mmh!”

Killua was very aware of Gon’s eyes now following him, and began to gain a pink hue when he thought how he must look in the huge grey t-shirt. _Ugh_ , he despaired internally, _why me?_ He pulled open the doors to a narrow, white wardrobe and attempted to find the least audacious item of clothing he could find. Killua was by no means quirky but he didn’t dress like every other guy at high school. The majority of his attire was black with the odd exception of purple or burgundy. He rifled through several slogan tees — many of which brandished expletives or foreign alphabets — to find the one thing that could pass as Gon Freecs. A solitary, plain, white t-shirt was pulled from the closet, to be paired with dark grey track pants. He considered tossing them at the other boy but when Alluka’s words popped back into his head, he thought better of it. “Here,” he turned to the still-drying teenager behind him, “will these be okay?”

Gon nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, they’re great,” he beamed an infectious smile at the other, “thank you Killua!” Gon looked down at the pile Killua handed to him, and a flash of unease skipped across his face. His cheeks reddened slightly as he looked back to the white mess of hair.

“Oh right,” Killua read his expression clearly, avoiding eye contact as both were equally embarrassed by the unasked question. He crossed the room to a chest of drawers and pulled out a dark pair of briefs. These, he chose to ball up and toss to Gon, trying to get the ordeal over with. He never wanted to talk about this ever again. Never ever.

Gon yanked the boxers out of the air, a grateful look on his face. “Thanks!” He laughed nervously as the blush on his cheeks began to fade.

“Don’t mention it,” Killua looked down at pale toes on ash flooring. “I better get that shower,” he half grunted, anxious feelings freshly flooding throughout his being. “Just lemme know if there’s anything else…” he trailed of, almost waiting for Gon to leave the room first.

“Sure,” his smile was radiant, melting away any discomfort between them, “I’ll just change up here?”

“Oh,” Killua was a little taken aback by the assumption. _Of course he’ll get dressed here, idiot_ , his inner voice chided, _it’s not like he’s gunna get naked in the hallway_. This thought made Killua’s face hot again. “Yeah, whatever you want,” he was desperate to seem laid back about it, shrugging and stepping past the other. Their skin passed closely enough that he felt heat radiating from Gon’s bare chest. It took all his power not to shudder with pleasure.

* * * * * *

Killua’s pores were slowly opened by hot steam pouring from the shower cubicle, his skin quickly growing damp and warm. He stared at himself in the mirror above the basin, trying and failing to encourage himself. _It wasn’t that bad_ , he could barely hold his own eye-contact as he silently said this, _he’s not exactly the coolest guy either_. But that was what intimidated Killua about Gon — the teenager knew he wasn’t ‘high school’ cool, but at the same time he didn’t care to the point of seeming blissfully unaware. That was why people loved him so much. He wasn’t just some hot guy, he was the most genuine person in their class, due to graduate with a sports scholarship. He was the life of the party and even the most popular kids wanted to be friends with him. Ever since grade school, Gon had been told by every teacher that he had “the most potential” they’d ever seen. Killua was an achiever, for sure, but he wasn’t celebrated in the way the other boy was. Gon was bubbly, social and charismatic. Killua was none of these things, which was something he repeatedly reminded himself of. Although, in spite of some feelings of jealousy, Killua admired Gon more than anyone. No one could dislike the kid, but Killua’s feelings for Gon went deeper than that. He knew how hard he’d had to work for everything, ever since they were young. All that potential helped, and being such a ray of sunshine didn’t go amiss, but Killua was extremely observant, and knew that Gon had never had it easy. Since they reached high school, they had been mostly separated, taking different classes. They’d often be grouped together for sports, but it was a big school, and Killua had made the most of being able to slip into the background. Even still, Killua had never failed to notice Gon. The one time they had been out together, Killua wondered if Gon had been dared to go. It was a couple of years ago that they had decided they would go to dinner and then to see a movie; nothing happened, other than Gon making Killua laugh. He never laughed like that, not unless he was with Alluka or Ikalgo. He had tried not to give away the strength of his feelings for Gon, but ultimately, Killua’s usual enigmatic behaviour was no match for someone as boldly perceptive as Gon. The pale teenager had wondered why anyone who could see straight through him would be interested, but Gon was undoubtedly genuine. Much to Killua’s disappointment, though, the dark-haired boy led a busy life, and the message was received loud and clear. They texted for a couple weeks until it began to fizzle out. Killua was secretly desperate to keep it going, but wanted even less to seem like he needed to talk to Gon. He had always despised feeling dependant, so as a distraction ended up putting all his energy into Alluka. She wasn’t stupid; even at fourteen she knew her brother was avoiding his feelings. They traveled together over summers and saw amazing things, but she always felt her brother holding back. For a while, she struggled through their adventures, feeling like she was an inadequate companion. She and her brother had always been like kindred spirits; she realised what Killua might have had with Gon was different. Their compatibility was on a different level — Gon was a match for Killua. Academically, charismatically, socially; they were opposites on every scale, save their personal experiences. Alluka had heard about Gon's absent father — she knew it was a big reason for his motivation to always achieve more. This bright, beaming boy had been abandoned at birth and left with his distant relatives to grow up on a small island which harboured not a single other child. Adversely, she and Killua had had painfully overbearing parents. The head of a multi-million Jenny business, the Zoldyck family were strict to the point of abuse. She had watched Killua protect her from all their emotional bullying at a young age, and she had seen how lonely he was because of it all too. Both boys had needed to show strength from a young age, each fighting their own circumstances; each knowing they wanted more from life. It was because of these factors that Alluka knew the two were suited.

Letting the shower scold his skin, Killua tried not to think too much about the boy changing upstairs in his room. It was easy to get excited over Gon; any sane human being would be inclined to fall in love. It was important that Killua didn’t let himself get his hopes up again. He knew he was dangerously close to letting himself feel the things he had to shut away before. He knew he could easily dive into Gon's charms again, easily let his guard slip. Killua had never needed anyone, not since before he could remember. The way he knew he was capable of feeling for Gon, though, was like a desperate desire to be with him, similar to the thirst or hunger of a dying man. In that short space of time, Gon had encompassed Killua’s whole life. He couldn’t sleep at night, he couldn’t think without his mind wandering to the boy from Whale Island. All he wanted was to melt into those chocolate eyes and let Gon swallow him up, to be rescued by him from the painful numbness of his own life. He had never known someone who could fill a room with light like Gon could — the boy was like the sun, his presence beaming into every corner of Killua, leaving nothing in the shadow. Something he had learnt last time, was that he did in fact need one thing. Killua needed the safety of the dark.

He sighed heavily, shutting the water off. The last of the hot water had been and gone a long time before, and he was left with an icy feeling coating his body. Several streams ran off his angular form and into the drain beneath. He wished the water would wash over him and take his thoughts with it, cleansing him of feelings and heartache. _If only it was so easy_ , he tutted at himself. He stepped out of the cubicle into colder air, shuddering absent-mindedly. Grabbing the towel, he pulled it over his head and rubbed vigorously at his glacial, dripping hair. Once satisfied with a mildly damp status, he smudged an oval of the mirror clean of condensation, taking one last look at himself for good measure. Sapphire eyes, crystal clear and serious stared back at him. _Be careful_ , he warned the reflection. Towel knotted at his waist now, he broke the steamy seal of the bathroom opening the door into the hallway. He was met by colder air gushing in around him, raising the hairs on his body. Droplets of water lingered on his skin, tracing the lines of his lean muscles. He looked up to see an empty apartment, no sign of the other teenage boy. Killua exhaled, relieved to be alone for a couple more minutes. _Maybe Gon took off?_ He wishfully told himself. That would be a hell of a lot easier for him. Climbing the stairs, he felt lighter with the premonition that he wouldn’t have to stress about his own emotions. He opened the door to his bedroom, the relief he had felt being shattered within seconds by what felt like an anvil of anxiety, smashing down on his helpless heart.

Gon lay on the bed, clean t-shirt stretched over his athletic build, staring up at the skylight. Killua stared at him, soaking in the sight of him. Even while still, it was as if Gon was glowing with an energy that encapsulated all. Both drawing in everything that surrounded him, and giving out light to everyone who gazed upon him. Killua felt both blinded and nourished by his presence. While his previous feeling of relief was ousted, the warmth that replaced it was welcomed. He barely managed a quiet, “hey.”

“Oh! Hey Killua,” Gon stirred and pulled his head upright to look at his half naked host at the end of the bed. “Sorry… I was just—”

“Cloud-watching?” Killua smirked, appreciation swelling in his chest as he said, “it’s the best spot for it.”

Gon’s eyes met Killua’s words with an understanding look. The dark hair on his head now stood upright and tall again, and he stared past the wet strands hanging over Killua’s face. It was a penetrative look, but not one that Killua altogether minded. “You’re so lucky!” His excitement was unmasked.

The ease Killua suddenly felt was surreal, “that’s why I picked it… it’s nice to get up in the clouds sometimes.” His gaze shifted up to the sky as he perched on the edge of the bed, careful not to touch Gon. He could feel the other alleviate his gaze, following his eyes back up. They watched the afternoon passing overhead in the form of white wisps against brilliant baby blue. The room was hushed quiet by the clouds, and Killua was able to forget how exposed he was to Gon. It was easy to let his guard slip.

Suddenly, a guttural sound pierced the air between them. Killua was jolted out of his doze, eyes shooting to Gon. The look on his face was of shock too, but as his cheeks reddened, the embarrassment behind his startled features grew clearer. Killua felt the edges of his mouth curl slightly, a smile growing before he could barely stifle his own laughter. Giggles sputtered out from between his lips, the happy sound lightly ringing though the air like a bell. Gon blurted out a “sorry!” before his own amusement was too much to bear. The pair laughed together, the sound harmonious, and Killua felt free for the first time since Gon had crashed onto their couch.

“Oh my—oh my God,” Killua was catching his breath, head now thrown back, body still reverberating with sporadic chuckling. “You know, you shoulda just said if you were hungry.”

Gon grinned, stopping Killua’s heart momentarily. “I guess I am… it kinda just snuck up on me,” he sat up properly. “Wanna go get some food?”

“Ah, I don’t think there’s much downstairs,” he rolled his eyes. _It was Alluka’s turn to do the grocery run_. “Sorry,” he closed his eyes with a sigh.

“No,” Gon giggled slightly, “I meant go _out_ — I’ve got money on me.” 

Killua’s heart skipped again, his stomach lurching into a knot. “Oh, uh,” he hesitated, his thoughts racing around his mind with food being the last thing he desired, “I mean, if you want…?” _Is he asking me out?!_

“Sure! We could try that new pizza place on the corner!”

And just like that, a second date. Killua swallowed hard. _Only had to wait two years_ , the voice inside his head taunted. He felt his throat close up a little, just enough so it was hard to breathe. _Great_.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who's back, back again... hey guys! Sorry I've taken a little break from this - been busy with lots of work and several fics on the go at once... and also getting a new job *hooray* The reason I'm telling you this is b/c I'll have a MUCH longer commute to my new office (boo) which hopefully means I'll get a chance to write on the train every day (yay)!
> 
> Anywaaaaay, enough about me - this chapter has been so much fun to write!! I hope y'all are enjoying where the story is going (I've got a lot more in store for you heheeh), I just love these softies so much and I hope you do too! Please leave me a comment to let me know what you think! Thank you so so soooooo much for reading, you guys bring me much happiness! Arigato!

“That’s one pepperoni, and a triple cheese” a bouncy waitress with auburn hair appeared beside their table. She smiled at the boys expectantly, attempting to make her job of juggling orders look easy while managing five plates between two hands.

“Uh, mine’s the triple cheese,” Killua offered and she placed the plates down before them.

“Thank you so much!” Gon grinned in a way that made the waitress blush. Killua barely escaped rolling his eyes at the scene. He instead moved his gaze further away, staring out of the large window they sat by.

Ghita’s was a pizzeria three blocks from the apartment. It hadn’t been open long, but had an authenticity that would make for success in a city like Yorknew. Raw wooden benches that matched the tables, up-tempo music and staff with exotic accents serving genuinely decent food at a reasonable price was all you needed here. A huge city with open-ended opportunity, Killua had chosen the location for him and Alluka because of it’s difference to their previous home. High-rise buildings and constant movement came as a welcomed contrast to their parent’s mansion on a mountainous estate, where their only neighbours had been forest creatures and a village which sat two miles down the valley. While the first year or so of their life in Yorknew had been like a well-needed gasp of freedom, both grounding and thrilling, there were increasingly frequent moments when Killua longed for the quiet shelter of his native Kukuroo Mountain. He loved his life with Alluka, and would fight to be in their situation again, but there was a part of him that needed the resolve of the trees and the wind and the overgrowth of the forest. He needed a refuge — a place to hide from public view and just relax. When he was young and being tormented by his older brothers, Killua could easily be found, or not found, in a tall pine tree, hiding from the scrutiny of his family between dark, damp branches. It was here that he felt he could breathe — like being with them put a tight vice around his chest and this was the place that grip released him. Upon arriving in the city, Killua hadn’t felt this aching constriction for weeks, maybe months. This had gradually changed when they’d enrolled at high school. Being surrounded by people, feeling judged and mocked for being an outsider, having nowhere to hide; all these things made Killua feel trapped, like he had no refuge. He began to miss his darkened forest — being here made him realise he couldn’t get away from the light. The sky above was vast and sprawling, without a cloud in sight.

Temporarily lost in thought, he was brought back around by the sound of loud gurgling through a straw. His eyes flashed to the rigid explosion of dark hair sat opposite him; Gon’s head down, slurping at the last of his lemonade. He observed the boy, admirably noting his efforts to gain attention without making awkward conversation. Gon was obvious, but that was great. It was clearly comfortable for him. Killua fingered the condensation on his glass of root beer, desperate to find his own comfort in their situation. A bead of moisture from beneath his finger sloped down the straight crystal side. _What am I doing here?_

Gon swallowed loudly. “Are you not gunna eat?” His eyes were round with genuine concern.

Startled, Killua’s head jerked back to meet Gon’s worried look. “Huh?”

“I thought you’d be hungry,” a questioning tone remained in Gon’s voice, “… maybe I’ve just got a huge appetite. I’m starving!”

His observation was correct; Killua was practically ravenous. Though at the pit of his stomach was a knot of nervousness that he couldn’t shake. He would need to try harder to untangle it. “Nah, I am too,” he grinned, eager to seem unphased in front of Gon. He tore off a slice of cheesy dough and rolled it up, stuffing it straight into his salivating mouth. The knot eased slightly.

Gon laughed, “yeah sure — bet I know who’d win at an eating contest!” His joke was lighthearted, but not without its own competitive tone.

Killua cocked one eyebrow without thinking. He puffed air past his lips in a scoff, “I could out-eat you for days!” A genuine smile spread over his face, determination rising within him — his initial nervousness was quickly dissolving.

“Nu-uh! You don’t know what I’m capable of, Zoldyck,” Gon puffed out his chest in mock-confidence before folding into laughter.

They laughed for a while, betting on which one of them would win different obscure contests. Killua continued to wolf his pizza down, feeling more natural as the pair spent longer in each other’s company. Light streamed in, illuminating Gon’s face as he bore his teeth brilliantly. Killua felt the apprehension lifting from his body, and there was nothing he could do to stop it from slipping away. When he felt this happy, he was so unused to it, he didn’t know how to keep his guard up. This was part of the reason Gon’s change of subject stunned him.

“I forgot what this was like,” remnants of laughter lingered still in his expression.

Killua froze, having forgotten his previous worries about the way their relationship had turned out last time. “W-what d’you mean?” He was hesitant, unsure if he wanted an answer.

“Being with you,” he put it plainly. “I have so much fun with you, Killua,” a small smile, genuine and warming, came with this.

A raspberry pink tinged the apples of Killua’s cheeks at this comment. “Gon!” He spluttered, eyebrows knitted close together.

Gon looked back at him with innocent confusion, “what?!” He shovelled in another slice of pizza.

“You just… I can’t believe you just said that!” Killua’s hand came up to cover half his face, “I’m so embarrassed.”

Chuckling slightly, Gon waved a hand flippantly. “Why? I’m just being honest.” He looked at Killua with a familiar determination in his eyes, smile still on his lips, “you should know how great you are!”

Killua plunged into scrambling panic at this point, unable to re-orientate his thoughts. He proceeded to stutter out unintelligible sounds of disagreement for the next few moments.

Gon clearly sensed the meaning behind them, settling his eyes onto the pizza as if to liberate Killua from the attention he’d been giving him. “Sorry… I’ve been told I can be a bit intense,” his laugh was wary, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Killua’s gaze shot up to him and he noticed a blush on Gon’s cheeks. “N-no,” he was unsure of what to say next, “it’s just, it’s not something I hear everyday.” Hesitant, and Alluka’s words still ringing in his ears, he didn’t want to push the compliment away completely.

Gon gave an affectionate, apologetic smile. Something more danced behind his copper eyes, though only for a fleeting moment. “How’s your pizza?”

Grateful for a subject change, Killua exhaled slightly. His body had been tense, but his colour was subsiding, and he returned Gon’s smile. “It’s great — Ghita’s shows promise,” he leaned back in his chair, now at ease with false confidence and a chuckle to follow, “you?”

“Mmmh!” Gon made an agreeable sound, his mouth full of squishy carbs.

Killua laughed loudly, the same way he had been afraid to when showering earlier that day. It wasn’t necessarily what Gon did or said that made Killua laugh like that, or that pushed that warm sensation around Killua’s chest, it was just his… being. There was no way to pinpoint it, but this boy made him feel more at ease than ever. Moments like this made Killua wonder if it really was the light he needed rescuing from — because Gon, to him, was more light than anything else. Sometimes, it was too bright to bear, but often, it made him feel better than when he was alone in a tree on Kukuroo Mountain. It was as if, Gon was the… light to his dark? _God, that’s so sappy_ , he thought. His eyes closed and head thrown back in amusement, Killua struggled to recall the last time he had felt this way.

Through the bubbling sounds of the boys combined giggling, a bell rang — sounding the entry of new customers. It wasn’t until Killua opened his eyes again to see a flourish of candy pink hair that he felt a sudden wave of terror wash over him. His entire being was paralysed by the sight of Machi.

“Ki-Killua?” Gon quickly noted the sudden distress in the pale boy.

Killua panicked, desperate not to reveal his complicated past with the 21-year-old. “I-I’m fine, I just… I just thought of something I had to do today — at work!”

Before he could finish his words, Gon had dismissed Killua’s lie and turned to see who had entered behind him. A visible stiffness overtook his body when his eyes locked with the college girl’s. Killua couldn’t see his expression, but knew the two had seen each other. He also knew the sneer that took over Machi’s face.

“Ah, Killua,” she called across the room, swiftly sliding between rows of tables and chairs. “It’s been a while,” her voice was thick with menace, a sound that seemingly made the room shudder. Whether it was with contempt or lust is hard to say.

From what he could deduce, Killua was sure Gon had not met Machi before. He must have recognised her though, hence his guarded reaction — and as for what he knew about their history, that was an utter mystery. Killua suddenly remembered Alluka mentioning it at breakfast that morning. _Shit! What if she… what if they talked about it last night?!_ The blue eyes trained on Killua were approaching fast. Before he could process much more, she was stood at the edge of their table. Gon sat, gaze on her, with a disgruntled look on his face. Killua turned to her cat-like features, unable to be polite. “What are you doing here, Machi?”

“Hmph,” she snorted, clearly amused by his discomfort. “I could ask you the same,” her eyes flashed to Gon before narrowing on Killua again. She didn’t need to ask who the dark haired boy sat across from him was. “I’m just here with Shiz,” she jerked her head back without looking at her friend, a pretty girl with glasses and a roll-neck sweater on.

Killua grunted, clearly wishing her away. He took his glass to his lips, sipping and sitting back, trying at nonchalance. “Whatever, enjoy your pizza,” he swatted his hand at the air, dismissing her, while inside he begged her not to say anything incriminating in front of the other boy.

“Actually,” her tone was sharp now, a clear motive at hand, “I’m sure it’d taste much better with you at my table…” She had placed her hand firmly on the table, leaning her weight forward towards him. “What d’you say, Kil?” Her mouth was curled perfectly into a bow shape with the sound of his name, and the last part was more of a demand than anything else: “Take me for dinner later.”

He tossed a clump of screwed-up cash on the table, grinding the feet of his chair back. “Actually, we were just going,” his voice was curt as he stood up. It dawned on him how rude he was being to Gon. If it wasn’t for the potent frustration he felt at Machi interrupting them, he would normally feel immensely guilty, not to mention mortifyingly embarrassed, about causing a scene on their date. _Can I call it that? Is it a date?! Fucking hell, now is not the time!_ His spirit lifted slightly when he glanced over to see Gon had already stood and led the way out. Killua was silently thankful. His mind was racing as he followed the other boy out the door, petrified at the idea of explaining that whole mess to him. As he followed the dark haired boy out the door, his gaze flashed back to Machi, cursing her with slitted eyes. She smirked maliciously back, flicking her fingers at him in a sly wave. Her stare weighed on him long after the glass door had closed behind him. He shuddered repeatedly at the sensation of being watched by her.

Gon had walked up ahead, and though Killua couldn’t read his reaction to the situation, he showed little sign of slowing down. He approached the end of the street, where the sidewalk forked off into a path running alongside one of the city’s small lakes. The afternoon was growing late and a breeze had picked up, dulling the buzzing August heat to a comfortable warmth. There were slithers of cloud skitting across the sky, pale and feeble against the beaming azure that now washed the sky. While Killua attempted to casually catch up to his partner — hands in pockets while running is awkward at the best of times — he cursed under his breath. His heart beat harder than usual as he thought, _what can I say now…? How do I even explain any of that?!_ His eyes widened when he saw Gon suddenly stop and turn to face the water. _Shit_.

When Killua reached him, he didn’t turn and smile. “Hey,” Gon’s greeting sounded reasonably friendly, though his eyes remained trained on the lake’s flashing surface. Ripples in the water were consistent with the windy afternoon that had come to be. There were a couple mallards sat out amongst the small current, peacefully ignoring them.

“H-hey,” Killua tried not to sound breathless, though it was really his nerves that were getting the better of him. So many openers bubbled in his throat, threatening to make things maybe better but also maybe worse. Words clogged his brain like sticky tar, black with anticipation and looming destructivity. After whole minutes of silent agony, he decided it best to just come out and say it, before his anxiety ate him alive from the inside-out. “I’m really— I’m sorry about that, Gon. I mean, what happened back there.” The words stumbled out, but as they toppled over one another, they began to pour loudly from Killua’s brain in a mess, landing in the space between the two of them, left to hang stagnant in the soundless surrounding air. “I really didn’t want to make a scene — it’s just, well — that’s what she’s like and when I see her, she knows how to push my buttons and I just get so mad and… I’m just so sorry. I’m sorry if I emba—”

“Hey,” Gon repeated himself, as if he’d felt unheard the first time, his eyes now wide and piercing Killua through to his core. “Don’t apologise, it’s not your fault.” His tone had a genuine warmth to it that was more comfortable than any cool breeze. The look on his face was almost one of perplexity, though there was something lying dormant beneath.

“Oh,” Killua’s mouth gaped slightly, unexplained thoughts restlessly quivering on his lips. He had more to say — he had just begun feeling like his apology was making sense — though he was mostly surprised by the other boy’s reaction. “O-okay… well I’m just sorry she interrupted us then,” he paused, before quietly swearing again.

Gon softly smiled, though the dormant emotion had not fully subsided, so it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “It’s a shame… I was having a great time.”

Killua felt his face blaze once again. This reflex of his was getting old quick, though when he couldn’t even help his brain from stuttering at the compliment once again, what hope did he have? He tried his hardest not to reject the positivity though, and swallowed every desire to voice his embarrassment. “Yeah, so was I really,” he held eye contact with Gon, though it made him feel faint right now. White sunlight bouncing off tiny waves reflected abstract rays onto Gon’s tanned, freckled cheeks, illuminating his facial features and sending a shimmer up through his amber irises. He was so beautiful, Killua’s gaze unintentionally turned into a stare.

Gon chuckled at his gawp, seeming to feel victorious for getting Killua to look back at him. He sighed slightly, visibly relaxing, before changing the subject momentarily. “Want some ice cream?” He grinned a smile that now reached every corner of his glowing face.

Grateful for the lighter subject, Killua exhaled loudly. “100%” he matched the grin on Gon’s face and they fell into step alongside one another. There was an ice cream kiosk a few hundred yards from where they had stopped; Gon ordered one scoop strawberry, the other vanilla while Killua got two scoops chocolate. They sat on a bench facing the water and ate in silence for a while. They watched the ducks paddle and squabble amongst themselves, laughing wordlessly in intervals. For the first time since that pink mess of hair had appeared, Killua felt at ease. “See,” he said between giggles leftover from an unspoken joke between the pair, “this is what a good time looks like — _some_ people wouldn’t know a decent date if it bit them in the ass.” His eyes rolled with this, though his smile remained. He then felt his ears turn pink as he instantly regretted calling it a date, inwardly cringing and hoping, _praying_ Gon hadn’t noticed. He dragged a hand through his pale hair, once again unable to make eye contact with the boy sat inches from him.

Gon only hummed in recognition, still smiling and unphased. He turned to Killua, eyes genuine and serious again. “I’m sorry I couldn’t say anything… before,” he stopped, though his tone indicated a lot was left unsaid.

Killua now stared, dumbfounded, back at the spiked hair and fiery eyes. “W-what are you apologising for? Stupid!” He couldn’t hold the last part in as he blushed further. The idea of Gon apologising for what happened at the restaurant was so ridiculous, he almost laughed. Instead he swallowed hard, not quite accepting the unimaginable apology.

“I just,” Gon leaned back, his shoulders slumping in defeat, “I hated seeing her make you so uncomfortable — I should have stood up for you.” He looked up at the sky now, absently watching thicker clouds sluggishly roll past as the day moved on. His arms were draped over the back of the bench, his right hand was close behind Killua’s back, balled into a fist, while the other gripped his empty ice cream cup a little too tightly. “It sounds silly but, that’s why I walked off…” His voice was quieter, as if he didn’t want to admit weakness out loud, “I was frustrated with myself.”

Killua blew air between his lips, half in bemusement, half astonishment. “I’m just glad you weren’t mad at _me_ ,” he laughed lightly now, trying to keep his tone breezy. “I didn’t want you to think there was anything between me and that hag… now _that_ would be embarrassing.” He feigned innocence, knowing Gon probably saw right through it. Untidy words began tumbling out of him again. “Plus I’m not even— like I don’t even feel that way, about her… or any girl. I mean—”

It was Gon’s turn to laugh now, interrupting Killua’s babbling. “It’s okay,” he turned back to the other boy on the bench, his smile warm and inviting, if a little pitying. “I don’t care if you had a thing with her… or any girl,” he mocked slightly, before casually adding, “it’s not like we haven’t both been there.”

Killua’s breath hitched in his throat at this. “Y-you? And who?” He struggled to remain nonchalant when asking, the true desperation of his curiosity creeping into his words.

“Ah, there was a girl a couple grades above from another school…” he seemed bashful but not altogether ashamed in admitting this. “Her name was Palm Siberia, but not a lot really happened, just a couple dates and stuff,” he shrugged, “I think she had a thing for younger guys.”

On the other side of the bench, Killua’s thoughts raced. _Dates and stuff? What the hell does that mean?!_ He almost wanted to spew up his ice cream with his next realisation; _there’s no way I can talk about what Machi and I did together… Christ_. He tried to escape the place his mind was on its way to.

“Killua,” Gon’s voice broke through the internal meltdown he’d been having. “I meant what I said before,” he paused, seemingly cagey, “about having fun… with you.” His hesitation quickly vanished when his words weren’t protested against. He seemed his confident self again by the time he asked, “do you wanna do this again sometime?”

The next ten or so minutes were a blur to Killua. He didn’t feel like he’d said more than a couple words in this time, but he had somehow agreed to a second date, and subsequently given Gon his phone number. Surreal as it was, Killua couldn’t get past the haunting familiarity of exchanging digits with the charismatic boy. When they left the park bench, Gon told him he had somewhere he needed to be that evening, so needed to get going. Still dazed by the whole dream-like afternoon they had shared, Killua was stood at the front door to the apartment before he knew it. It was almost 5pm when he was blankly staring down at the keys in his open palm, ready to let himself in. _A second date…_ he contemplated silently. _How have I let this happen again?_ He unflinchingly clutched the front door key hard, letting it painfully dig into skin, though not feeling it above the aching in his torso. It was as if he was both empty and about to burst; a terrible gnawing feeling of apprehension and dread eating away at a growing chasm in his chest. He considered his ability to decline Gon’s next suggestion of it, though that idea spawned an even sharper pain deep beneath his ribcage. He could only accept his fate now — there was no turning back… it was too painful to even imagine. _Idiot, you’re already in too deep_. With that last thought, he huffed loudly and shoved his key in the door. As he pulled the handle to let himself, a tremendous force came hurtling at him from inside the apartment, throttling him at the waist.

“Onii-chan!” Alluka’s squeal was muffled on account of her face being buried in his stomach. She peered up at him, arms still tightly clasped around his body, “I’ve been waiting so long! Where did you go? Were you with Gon?!” The pitch of her already aerial voice heightened an octave with this notion, “you gotta tell me _everything_!”

_Oh fuck_.


End file.
